Comments on Cleared For Takeoff: I never knew I had to Die to become a Mom.

A Few x-ray tips for you to remember incase you ge...

2010-06-17T21:16:17.561-05:00

A Few x-ray tips for you to remember incase you get the chance to come back...yet..I'm waiting for the chance to leave and be a mommy...but you might have actually told me these back in the day...

15 pennies down the well (caldwell view)

and 30 degrees downtown (towne view)

Anything else let me know...

I know you are not a bad mom and I do not know what being a mom to my own child feels like...or even being a full time mom to my step child feels like...but I do know you are doing your best and you will find your old self at some point I'm sure... :)

I wish you the best katie..and if you ever need anything from a random blogger/xray tech/pilot wife...hit me up!

Your old self has NOT died. You may have added new...

2010-06-17T00:45:05.327-05:00

Your old self has NOT died. You may have added new layers but trust me: you are still you. The needs that are thrust upon a new mother are immediate and immense, but they DO LESSEN. Trust me. You are in transition. This is just a phase in your life. 1 year at a time, you will see dramatic changes (as you would even if you hadn't had a child) in your life and that WILL influence your persona, but honey - you are NOT lost. Take it from a momma who's been doing this for 11 years.

love it katie. you said it beautifully. i am slowl...

2010-06-16T17:28:46.641-05:00

love it katie. you said it beautifully. i am slowly getting back to a place where i feel good about being me, but that's after climbing out of the depths of ppd hell first. you will get there. just keep writing.

I just found your blog and stumbled upon this poin...

2010-06-12T14:26:26.210-05:00

I just found your blog and stumbled upon this point. Wow...you just put into words exactly what I have been going through over the past 6 weeks. I just had a baby, a little boy, on May 1st. Through meds and a great family support system I am getting through my days now without crying, but things are still so difficult. There are so many good times, but I do feel like my "old" self has died and it is like I am going through a grieving process. I hope we can get through this and create better selves!

I appreciate that you're always willing to be ...

2010-06-10T22:32:19.899-05:00

I appreciate that you're always willing to be honest! What's interesting about reading this right now is that several of my friends who are in their careers, their kids in daycare, are heartbroken about that right now.

They feel as though their missing the most important time in their kid's lives. In the case of my the friends I'm talking about, they do work crazy hours and so part of it is that there are times when they kiss weekend time w/their little ones goodbye too.

I think somewhere in there is the possibility to work towards contentment wherever we're at. I know that sounds oversimplified. And I don't mean it in a judgmental way. Because me? I'm not content. I want to be married. I want kids. I want this recession to be over with so I can be working again. I want a lot of things, very few of which are actually where I'm at. So...I'm not content at all.

But, I totally buy into what Paul said in the Bible about contentment. I think it is possible to be content wherever we're at. So...I think that means that between medication and seeking God and doing whatever else you come up with to get back to you, you won't always feel this way.

That's a lot of rambling to say...hang in there because I think you'll come to a point where you don't feel this way.

My "baby" is almost 23 and I still wonde...

2010-06-10T22:31:12.850-05:00

My "baby" is almost 23 and I still wonder sometimes who this woman is that I see in the mirror. You're right that you won't ever go back, but you will eventually find a new you who is more than just a mother. Take heart, mourning what has passed is part of passing from one stage of life to another.

I wanna say, like everyone else, that I loved what...

2010-06-10T18:06:51.133-05:00

I wanna say, like everyone else, that I loved what you wrote and it made me feel very fortunate to be in the situation I am in. I honestly haven't felt those feelings but I'll tell you why... I am currently going to medical school which makes me feel good about myself...for the first time I'm actually really proud of myself. We also took in my soon to be mother in law and my sister who both needed a place to live. (Lucky for me my mother in law couldn't be more amazing). So I get a balance of being my own person with school, and also having help at the house to being able to spend time w my fiance. She watches Brodie and we have a date night once a week. I am also working for a nannying service so I can work and be with my son. So I guess what I'm saying is do what makes u feel validated, more than just being a mom, and get some sort of babysitter on the weekend for a date night...its a sanity savor. I wouldn't be sane if I didn't have help once in a while, whether it be them watching him while I'm at work or once on the weekend, or just to watch him while I take a quick shower. The little things help a lot...if anyone is in a situation where they can take in a family member, and that you both can help each other out...I say DO IT. Everyone needs a little help.

katie, i totally understand.... mostly... I do not...

2010-06-09T19:01:55.771-05:00

katie, i totally understand.... mostly... I do not suffer from ppd at all but i understand how you sometimes miss your old life...
Have you thought about joining a moms group? I am a member of the local MOMS CLUB, which has groups all over, just google MOMS CLUB + your city... this could get you involved with other mommys, it has helped me a lot. I am a new mom, in a new city expecting baby # 2. My life has taken a complete word-wind... that I love, but still getting used too.
Keep your head up, Elizabeth

I totally hear ya. I think 99% of women feel this ...

2010-06-09T16:24:28.064-05:00

I totally hear ya. I think 99% of women feel this way. My husband still doesn't hear what I mean when I tell him I don't feel like myself. Not only do we lose: Date Nights, Our bodies, and our sex life (8 stitches later and sex still hurts and my daughter is 5 months old), we lose our brains!

How many moms out there can't keep a straight mind and do things without forgetting why they started it in the first place.

Wait... what was I saying?

~c

OMG I love this post. I covet your brutal honesty!...

2010-06-09T11:00:34.528-05:00

OMG I love this post. I covet your brutal honesty!!! You have said so many things that I am sure are going to resignate with so many mamas out there! Thank you so much for being true and honest! I can't wait to read more!! I am a working mom and I go back and forth between giving up the "rest" of me and throwing in the towel compeletely and becoming a full time mom....thanks so much for speaking out!!!

Every mom I know struggles with your same concerns...

2010-06-09T10:21:44.882-05:00

Every mom I know struggles with your same concerns, including myself. At various times different struggles seem to rear their ugly head. I ventured back to school to become a school administrator, however I struggle with my inner passion for education and the pull to my family. We all still have our "scrubs" hanging in the closet. Today is my first day reading your blog and I don't know the age of your kids, however, mine are getting a little older and I am finding time to workout, have date nights (and enjoy them) and down time for myself. One day at a time and thanks for sharing as it takes courage!

i can completely agree. anyone that tells you it&#...

2010-06-09T10:16:55.162-05:00

i can completely agree. anyone that tells you it's selfish or not normal is completely off base. as a ppd sufferer, i can relate on another level. however, i also think that even without ppd there is so much that changes and so much that will never be the same that you can't help but mourn what once was.

Great post...know that you are not alone in this. ...

2010-06-09T08:40:16.944-05:00

Great post...know that you are not alone in this. Having children is a HUGE adjustment, and you will adjust...it takes time.

I also want to add that being the wife of an airline pilot complicates things and makes us different. One big thing I strongly encourage is "me time". My "me time" is on Friday night I get together with girls on the street for drinks, gossip and munchies. It is all of our "me time"s and SOOOOO necessary for our sanity.

Another idea: gym! Sign up for a gym that has daycare...drop the baby off for an hour while you sweat it out a little...great for the spirit and body!

My last thought: are you an Xray tech? I am not sure if they do this, but could you go back PRN? I have a friend that is a PT and she works one day a week, and plans to go back full time once the kids are in school. Going back PRN could give you that feeling of accomplishment with working...all the while your husband can watch the baby so you wouldn't have to worry about daycare.

On a personal note, it took a good year for me to get adjusted to being a mom. On an up side, having #2 was a piece of cake!

Thank you for sharing. I went through a severe dep...

2010-06-09T08:25:23.104-05:00

Thank you for sharing. I went through a severe depression after my son was born 11 years ago. My situation was much different than it is now. Even after the birth of my daughter 3yrs ago I had a small bout of depression. It's not something that you can just brush off and hope it will go away. It's real and that's hard for people to understand.

Hey girl! You're right, you won't go back...

2010-06-09T08:05:27.699-05:00

Hey girl! You're right, you won't go back to your "old self". You're in the process of becoming a new you. One who is worthy of hero-worship for all of your self-sacrifice and love that you have given for your EK. What you feel is 100% okay & normal. But don't stay there too long. Everything (from working out, to date nights, to frisky-ness, to girl's nights out) gets easier as your kids get older. The first year is HARD. I still hate the mom's who love having babies. You don't have to love it but everyone knows you love HER and that's what matters. You're an awesome mom. Consider yourself a "hot chick on hold". You'll be back, and you'll be hotter b/c you came back after a baby :-)

As for your job/career...you can always go back. Read a good book called "What Our Mother's Never Told Us" By Danielle Chrittendon. It will help you realize that you made the RIGHT decision by putting career on hold...for now!

But please promise me that when you get YOU back in a few years, you won't ever wear a power suit with navy pumps :-)

xoxo
Brooke

I wouldn't say we die when we become mommies, ...

2010-06-09T07:35:36.248-05:00

I wouldn't say we die when we become mommies, we simply become "reinvented".

I'd give my left to be able stay home with my daughter, but it's not feasible for us at the moment.

One of my favorite sayings to keep myself grounded:

"The grass in always greener on the other side. That's because it's growing over a septic tank."

I guess we always try envision a better scenario for ourselves than the one we're in. It may not always be better! Enjoy everyday in the life you have.

I love, love, love reading your blog! You have giv...

2010-06-09T07:15:03.645-05:00

I love, love, love reading your blog! You have given me so many decorating ideas. And I enjoy seeing the fun things you find to do with your little girl. I would love to be a SAHM when I have children but it really isn't an option for me. It was really hard to read this post because you make motherhood seem dreadful. :( You have to DIE to be a mom?

This made me cry a little. While I don't have ...

2010-06-09T06:47:45.932-05:00

This made me cry a little. While I don't have any advice to give whatsoever on PPD since I've never been there, I can say that I am probably a likely candidate to have it when we do eventually have a baby.

This may be the tone of your journal, and I know a lot of tone is lost through the internet, but I still see you as a confident, beautiful girl who would turn heads when walking into a room.

There is so much you should be proud for. You actually graduated for one! I had to pull out of school with an eating disorder and never quite made it back because I started working to earn extra money for our wedding, so now I have a job that I'm locked into because of the great benefits. That's pretty much it. No fulfillment there. I'm yearning to be a SAHM so I can have some fulfillment. I feel all the time like I have shot my chances, and I don't even have kids yet! Talk about not living up to what I thought I would be when I grew up!

That, and you have this gorgeous, amazing daughter who you SUSTAIN! I mean, that's incredible in itself.

Hope everything works out for you! I would still like to catch up with you one day if the offer still stands. Maybe you could compare your life to mine and feel so much better. ;)

I feel the same way sometimes. Hugs

2010-06-08T22:26:57.612-05:00

I feel the same way sometimes.

*Hugs*

I've been an avid follower of your blog since ...

2010-06-08T22:25:26.249-05:00

I've been an avid follower of your blog since before Ellie was born and I have to tell you that I've disagreed with you a lot, but on this particular subject, I could not agree with you more. I have a two and a half year old son and I'm a single mom, so staying at home is not an option for me and there are many days I wish I could be a stay at home mother, but I've realized that work is what helps make me, me. I have adult conversation, I get to do what I love and not to mention, I'm REALLY good at what I do. I know that's you too, but you have to find that person again...you have to WANT to find that person again. Going back to being an x-ray technician might not be your thing, but have you ever thought about putting Ellie Kate in a mother's day out program and working part-time at a store in the mall (you could get a super fantastic discount too). Getting out of the house and away from Ellie Kate for a few hours a day, once or twice a week, might be just what you need to reclaim your identity...maybe even a new identity.

Keep your head up! You'll always be "Elli's Mom" but there will come a point that you'll be "Ellie's Hot Mom" and she's going to be proud of you NO MATTER what you do.

I appreciate all of your honesty throughout your blog, so please don't stop!

I haven't read your other comments yet so I...

2010-06-08T21:35:13.102-05:00

I haven't read your other comments yet so I'm not sure if I'm repeating anything, but here it goes...first, I commend your bravery for discussing what so many SAHMs feel (and probably working moms too), but we don't want to say because we are either ashamed, afraid to admit it or feel that we are terrible for being "that way." I'm also happy that you have found a med that works for you. Better life through pharmaceuticals, right? For some, wine works, for others it is exercise, but I feel like nothing does the trick quite like an SSRI:) I'm still not sure who I am as an individual, especially now that I have two kids, but I'm working on it and I'm glad that you are too. Maybe it's a good thing to always work on yourself as opposed to just sitting around and letting things go. A work in progress is better than no progress at all. Thank for sharing and hang in there!

Neither of my babies were planned but still a bles...

2010-06-08T21:03:22.864-05:00

Neither of my babies were planned but still a blessing and I would not change anything. Yes, after the first oops I should have figured it out. Anyhoo. Motherhood is all about sacrifice. You give up your body, your time, your sleep and sometimes even your sanity. What you get in exchange makes every struggle worth it. I suffered from depression before getting pregnant but oddly enough not during pregnancy. My midwife said that was not uncommon so imagine my suprise when PPD hit me hard after the birth of my first. It was not so bad the second time around and even though I knew what to expect, I still cried a lot and had to deal with my extra crazy hormones for a few weeks. Kinda lost my point here, sorry, but I understand where you are comming from. Even when it does not seem possible the blessings will outweight the struggles. Just know that you are not alone. There are tons of us going through the same stuff.

I love you. That is all.

2010-06-08T20:44:44.102-05:00

I love you. That is all.

As a young girl all I wanted was to grow up, get m...

2010-06-08T20:16:21.411-05:00

As a young girl all I wanted was to grow up, get married and have babies. I'm doing that but yet for some reason it doesn't always feel right. It's what I wanted. Right? Yep but am I missing out?! My friends all went in the opposite direction so they are off traveling and doing things un-married, baby-less people do. This is what I aimed for so I should be happy. I try daily. It's a struggle that I am ashamed to admit... You, Allison and Blair have truly helped me to put words to my feelings. Thanks!

I oddly kind of have the opposite problem you have...

2010-06-08T19:46:23.365-05:00

I oddly kind of have the opposite problem you have Katie. I want to have a baby and be a mom and we just can't seem to find the right time to do it with the husband's career being such a mess. I struggle to find my identity and figure out what to do with myself in the mean time, but what I want most is to have kids and move forward with that part of my life. I feel like THAT part of me is missing, even though I have my job, my friends, my nights out, etc... It's funny how we all struggle to figure out what makes us complete.
I think you are doing a great job handling everything at such a young age.

Comments on Cleared For Takeoff: I never knew I had to Die to become a Mom.

A Few x-ray tips for you to remember incase you ge...

Your old self has NOT died. You may have added new...

love it katie. you said it beautifully. i am slowl...

I just found your blog and stumbled upon this poin...

I appreciate that you're always willing to be ...

My "baby" is almost 23 and I still wonde...

I wanna say, like everyone else, that I loved what...

katie, i totally understand.... mostly... I do not...

I totally hear ya. I think 99% of women feel this ...

OMG I love this post. I covet your brutal honesty!...

Every mom I know struggles with your same concerns...

i can completely agree. anyone that tells you it&#...

Great post...know that you are not alone in this. ...

Thank you for sharing. I went through a severe dep...

Hey girl! You're right, you won't go back...

I wouldn't say we die when we become mommies, ...

I love, love, love reading your blog! You have giv...

This made me cry a little. While I don't have ...

I feel the same way sometimes. *Hugs*

I've been an avid follower of your blog since ...

I haven't read your other comments yet so I...

Neither of my babies were planned but still a bles...

I love you. That is all.

As a young girl all I wanted was to grow up, get m...

I oddly kind of have the opposite problem you have...

I feel the same way sometimes. Hugs